Early recovery and dating
I saw that I didn’t have to stay for any fear, but I did see what life would be like if we really did divorce. I don’t want someone else to enjoy a life with this recovered/recovering, stable, matured version of him. But its like being between a rock and a hard place.
I needed space to just focus on me, think about alternatives, etc. I am fairly crushed to realize that, after all of this, even after risking separation and reconciling, the brokenness remains, perhaps for always.
Allowing yourself time to really grieve is necessary to move forward.
You can take control by accepting that you must mourn this loss. Whatever happens in the rest of your life is your choice.
But the real step to divorce recovery is when you understand that the rest of your life is up to you. You have the choice to decide to spend your days being bitter and angry, or you can decide to find things to celebrate and be thankful for.
My story is about how my husband has successfully managed his recovery from Sex Addiction, but the deep wounds that his addiction caused still remain. Four years ago, my husband admitted to sleeping with prostitutes and strippers, as well as an enormous porn and sex chat addiction, during the first four years of our marriage, including during both of my pregnancies. At the time, we were living in North Carolina so that he could go to graduate school; we had no friends or family or community, and we had a toddler and a newborn.
He confessed “everything” after I caught him trying to send a photo of his penis to some stranger via email. At worst, I concluded that my initial reaction of calm and of, say, not throwing him out of the house and immediately filing for divorce was a sign of hope, of being able to overcome this, of my love for him, of commitment, etc. My husband did take responsibility and showed great willingness to recover.